Irrational Fears...

As I was driving in to work this morning, with my heart practically beating out of my chest (due to the little white snowflakes that were abundantly falling!), I began to ponder some of the irrational fears I let my mind run away with all too often.
When I got to my desk, I started to make a list of these fears thinking that this would help me to deal them. Instead, my heart rate became even quicker. Now, I was obsessing over my list and the "what if's" that I let take over. I was starting to rationalize the irrational - AGAIN.

Most of them are silly fears like if my wonderful Husband doesn't answer his cell phone when I call, something must be wrong. It couldn't possibly be that he is out of his truck and acutally doing his job, right? So, I tend to panic and call repeatedly until I hear his voice pick up on the other end. Of course, you would think at this point that my fear would subside and I would tell him how glad I was to hear his voice, that I love him, and to have a great day. WELL, that's not quite how it usually goes. Usually my poor unsuspecting husband (of course, he has learned to expect it now) gets an earful about how his phone should be in his pocket and he should answer it or at least call me back right away - "What if" something was wrong! Of course, I NEVER confess to him that I was being irrational and thinking that he was lying in a ditch somewhere, I just get angry with myself and take it out on him! Poor guy!

I have been making an effort in the last 2 weeks to really deal with this one. It tends to cause a little tension at the dinner table, so although I still haven't told him what my fear is, (I know, I know, I need to do that so he really can understand the reason behind my nastiness) I have decided that I will not bother my wonderfully hard working hubby when he is hard at work. I simply make the call when I am leaving work (a call we make to each other daily), and if I can't get him, I know that he is busy and will call me when he is leaving work. That said, if I don't get through on that first call, I still panic, but I refuse to let myself pick up that phone again.

Now, as I sat here contemplating how great it was that I had taken a step towards conquering one of my many irrational fears, I realized that I had certainly not conquered it, just put a little band-aid on it that will fall off over time. I don't want a temporary fix.

So, for the first time in a long time, I stopped what I was doing right here at my desk, closed my eyes, and prayed that God would help me have a fresh start. I have had a "Let go and let God" moment today.

THere are still a lot of things for me to let go of - I've only given one irrational fear away today! The difference is that I know how wonderful it feels to know that I do not need to be concerned about this particular fear anymore. It's all God's now. He can do with it what he chooses!

Oh, and BTW, I did actually call my dear hubby this morning (for something silly), and he answered and we laughed on the phone. I even told hime to have a wonderful day! Praise God for small miracles!!!