I just finished reading a 2 part devotional by Lysa TerKeurst titled "A Sunny Perspective" that was posted on the Proverbs 31 (www.proverbs31.org) web site. I am a few days behind, this devotional started on January 25th, but it was so good I needed to talk about it (and please jump over to the site and read it - it's worth it!). While the entire devotion was amazing, there were a few things that really stood out and caused me to go back and really search my heart. Now, the morning I read this, I was not looking for such a deep message! I was in a rush and needed a quick little pick me up devtion to help me have a positive outlook for the day ahead! We all know that God has his own agenda, and it seems to stand out especially loud on those days we try to rush Him! So, knowing I would not win, and instead of having a delightful Monday outlook, I would be sour trying to figure out the message I had just been given. SO, I humbly sat, read, and re-read. Then, I got out my Bible and my journal. Then, I really opened my heart and let God speak to me.
Matthew 5:8
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Lysa TerKeurst goes on to list some points about this verse that struck me hard.
1. "If I want to see God in my home, I must seek to purify my heart."
2. "If I want to seek God in my marriage, I must seek to purify my heart."
3. "If I want to see God in my children's lives, I must seek to purify my heart."
4. "If I want to see God in my everyday life, I must seek to purify my heart."
I though to myself, but I do have God in my home, I make sure there He is there! Then I thought a little deeper. Yes, He is there, he is everywhere, but can I really see Him? Do I ever really stop and say "Good morning God! THanks for another day!". No, I don't. I like to think that I have it together and my house is a haven for serving God, but it's not. My house is in utter chaos!
I stopped and thought hard about this for a bit. If I were on the outside looking in at my house, what would I see on say a typical Saturday afternoon. I'd see my hubby glued to the TV, my sweet 3 year old playing with her coveted doggies, and myself, at my wits end trying to find a place to shove one more can of soup into a cupboard that just can't hold anything else! And that's just the beginning. If I stuck around for a while, I'd see hubby wanting me to come sit & relax with him, and me saying in an exasperated tone that really annoys him "I can't, this house is a mess & I can't live like this", stay a bit longer, and my little piglet will be tuggint at my sleeve saying "Mama, please play with me" only to hear me say "In a few minutes". Is this what Iwant for my house and my family? NO!!!
I want to sit and play with my daughter and relax with my husband. So why is it not happening? Aha! "If I want to see God in my home, I must seek to purify my heart." I have been seeking to purify my stuff, not my heart. I wonder what would happen if I asked God to help me to get through the endless piles of stuff. I admit, I am a collector of anything. Well, you never know when you might need that little piece of ribbon that came tied around the pencils you bought, so save it! My sweet husband spent an entire day of his Christmas vacation trying to clean out the basement for me so I could have a place to work on my crafts. Oh, he got rid of a lot of stuff, but the basement is bulging at the seams.
So, my challenge to myself (and you, if you know what I'm talking about!) is to open my heart, and seek to purify it. I have been praying especially hard this week that God will work on my heart and give me the strength and guidance to get through my junk one small thing at a time. I am also praying that He will give me the peace in my heart to say "the stuff can wait an hour while I play with my daughter, or relax with my husband", and really enjoy that time without thinking of all I have to get done.
I know there are 3 other very important ways I mentioned above that we need to also seek to purify opur hearts for. I'm going to work on those too, and I hope you will! Baby steps, and lots of prayer and there will be some wonderfully pure hearts!
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Today I have an abundance of things I am thankful for running thorugh my brain!
1. I am so Thankful for such a forgiving God!
2. I am thankful for such wonderful Godly friends. And especailly for those who have been such an encouragement in my new found journey!
3. I am thankful for my husband and my daughter who are always ready with a hug & a smile!
4. I am thankful for my Mom who cares for my little piglet with such devotion!
1. I am so Thankful for such a forgiving God!
2. I am thankful for such wonderful Godly friends. And especailly for those who have been such an encouragement in my new found journey!
3. I am thankful for my husband and my daughter who are always ready with a hug & a smile!
4. I am thankful for my Mom who cares for my little piglet with such devotion!
Irrational Fears...
As I was driving in to work this morning, with my heart practically beating out of my chest (due to the little white snowflakes that were abundantly falling!), I began to ponder some of the irrational fears I let my mind run away with all too often.
When I got to my desk, I started to make a list of these fears thinking that this would help me to deal them. Instead, my heart rate became even quicker. Now, I was obsessing over my list and the "what if's" that I let take over. I was starting to rationalize the irrational - AGAIN.
Most of them are silly fears like if my wonderful Husband doesn't answer his cell phone when I call, something must be wrong. It couldn't possibly be that he is out of his truck and acutally doing his job, right? So, I tend to panic and call repeatedly until I hear his voice pick up on the other end. Of course, you would think at this point that my fear would subside and I would tell him how glad I was to hear his voice, that I love him, and to have a great day. WELL, that's not quite how it usually goes. Usually my poor unsuspecting husband (of course, he has learned to expect it now) gets an earful about how his phone should be in his pocket and he should answer it or at least call me back right away - "What if" something was wrong! Of course, I NEVER confess to him that I was being irrational and thinking that he was lying in a ditch somewhere, I just get angry with myself and take it out on him! Poor guy!
I have been making an effort in the last 2 weeks to really deal with this one. It tends to cause a little tension at the dinner table, so although I still haven't told him what my fear is, (I know, I know, I need to do that so he really can understand the reason behind my nastiness) I have decided that I will not bother my wonderfully hard working hubby when he is hard at work. I simply make the call when I am leaving work (a call we make to each other daily), and if I can't get him, I know that he is busy and will call me when he is leaving work. That said, if I don't get through on that first call, I still panic, but I refuse to let myself pick up that phone again.
Now, as I sat here contemplating how great it was that I had taken a step towards conquering one of my many irrational fears, I realized that I had certainly not conquered it, just put a little band-aid on it that will fall off over time. I don't want a temporary fix.
So, for the first time in a long time, I stopped what I was doing right here at my desk, closed my eyes, and prayed that God would help me have a fresh start. I have had a "Let go and let God" moment today.
THere are still a lot of things for me to let go of - I've only given one irrational fear away today! The difference is that I know how wonderful it feels to know that I do not need to be concerned about this particular fear anymore. It's all God's now. He can do with it what he chooses!
Oh, and BTW, I did actually call my dear hubby this morning (for something silly), and he answered and we laughed on the phone. I even told hime to have a wonderful day! Praise God for small miracles!!!
When I got to my desk, I started to make a list of these fears thinking that this would help me to deal them. Instead, my heart rate became even quicker. Now, I was obsessing over my list and the "what if's" that I let take over. I was starting to rationalize the irrational - AGAIN.
Most of them are silly fears like if my wonderful Husband doesn't answer his cell phone when I call, something must be wrong. It couldn't possibly be that he is out of his truck and acutally doing his job, right? So, I tend to panic and call repeatedly until I hear his voice pick up on the other end. Of course, you would think at this point that my fear would subside and I would tell him how glad I was to hear his voice, that I love him, and to have a great day. WELL, that's not quite how it usually goes. Usually my poor unsuspecting husband (of course, he has learned to expect it now) gets an earful about how his phone should be in his pocket and he should answer it or at least call me back right away - "What if" something was wrong! Of course, I NEVER confess to him that I was being irrational and thinking that he was lying in a ditch somewhere, I just get angry with myself and take it out on him! Poor guy!
I have been making an effort in the last 2 weeks to really deal with this one. It tends to cause a little tension at the dinner table, so although I still haven't told him what my fear is, (I know, I know, I need to do that so he really can understand the reason behind my nastiness) I have decided that I will not bother my wonderfully hard working hubby when he is hard at work. I simply make the call when I am leaving work (a call we make to each other daily), and if I can't get him, I know that he is busy and will call me when he is leaving work. That said, if I don't get through on that first call, I still panic, but I refuse to let myself pick up that phone again.
Now, as I sat here contemplating how great it was that I had taken a step towards conquering one of my many irrational fears, I realized that I had certainly not conquered it, just put a little band-aid on it that will fall off over time. I don't want a temporary fix.
So, for the first time in a long time, I stopped what I was doing right here at my desk, closed my eyes, and prayed that God would help me have a fresh start. I have had a "Let go and let God" moment today.
THere are still a lot of things for me to let go of - I've only given one irrational fear away today! The difference is that I know how wonderful it feels to know that I do not need to be concerned about this particular fear anymore. It's all God's now. He can do with it what he chooses!
Oh, and BTW, I did actually call my dear hubby this morning (for something silly), and he answered and we laughed on the phone. I even told hime to have a wonderful day! Praise God for small miracles!!!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Two Horses...
I received this story in an e-mail today, and normally I pass by these types of e-mails and say" I'll get back to it when I have the time to read it." Something made me read this one. I thought it was a good one to share...
Just up the road from my home is a field,
with two horses in it.
From a distance, each looks like every other horse.
But if you stop your car, or are walking by,
you will notice something quite amazing.
Looking into the eyes of one horse will
disclose that he is blind.
His owner has chosen not to have him put down,
but has made a good home for him.
This alone is amazing.
If nearby and listening,
you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound,
you will see that it comes from the
smaller horse in the field.
Attached to her halter is a small bell.
It lets her blind friend know where she is,
so he can follow her.
As you stand and watch these two friends,
you'll see how she is always checking on him,
and that he will listen for her bell and then
slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she
will not lead him astray. When she returns to the
shelter of the barn each evening, she stops
occasionally and looks back, making sure her
friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses,
God does not throw us away just because
we are not perfect or because we have problems
or challenges. He watches over us and even brings
others into our lives to help us when we are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by
the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.
Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.
There are some days that I feel fortunate enough to be the horse with the bell. Those are the days that I clearly feel God leading me to help someone see His grace and mercy. Most often I am the horse listening for the bell. The difference is that the horse not only hears the bell, but follows it. I think that sometimes I say I don't hear the bell, but perhaps the bell was ringing loud & clear, but I made the decision not to follow it. Oh, I know that's what it is. God always answers, and always has a plan, but I know full well that if it's not the answer or the direction I want to go, I can pretend I don't hear that bell!
Tonight I have realized that I am much like my 3 year old daughter! At least once a day I will call her name to "guide" her either to me, or away from something she needs to not be doing, and she simply acts as if she doesn't hear me! What a lesson I have just learned! I am behaving like a 3 year old!
The difference between myself and my angel girl is that I know better than to ignore what I am being told! (Well, so does my little Piglet, but we all know that consequences are something a 3 year old doesn't think about until they happen!) The outcome is never what I think it's going to be anyway, so why do I constantly go around the bell instead of following it? No, the bell may not lead me to where I want to go, but ultimately I will end up there because it is God's plan.
Lord, help me to listen to your bell. Help me to trust you completely and know that you are God!
Just up the road from my home is a field,
with two horses in it.
From a distance, each looks like every other horse.
But if you stop your car, or are walking by,
you will notice something quite amazing.
Looking into the eyes of one horse will
disclose that he is blind.
His owner has chosen not to have him put down,
but has made a good home for him.
This alone is amazing.
If nearby and listening,
you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound,
you will see that it comes from the
smaller horse in the field.
Attached to her halter is a small bell.
It lets her blind friend know where she is,
so he can follow her.
As you stand and watch these two friends,
you'll see how she is always checking on him,
and that he will listen for her bell and then
slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she
will not lead him astray. When she returns to the
shelter of the barn each evening, she stops
occasionally and looks back, making sure her
friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses,
God does not throw us away just because
we are not perfect or because we have problems
or challenges. He watches over us and even brings
others into our lives to help us when we are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by
the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.
Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.
There are some days that I feel fortunate enough to be the horse with the bell. Those are the days that I clearly feel God leading me to help someone see His grace and mercy. Most often I am the horse listening for the bell. The difference is that the horse not only hears the bell, but follows it. I think that sometimes I say I don't hear the bell, but perhaps the bell was ringing loud & clear, but I made the decision not to follow it. Oh, I know that's what it is. God always answers, and always has a plan, but I know full well that if it's not the answer or the direction I want to go, I can pretend I don't hear that bell!
Tonight I have realized that I am much like my 3 year old daughter! At least once a day I will call her name to "guide" her either to me, or away from something she needs to not be doing, and she simply acts as if she doesn't hear me! What a lesson I have just learned! I am behaving like a 3 year old!
The difference between myself and my angel girl is that I know better than to ignore what I am being told! (Well, so does my little Piglet, but we all know that consequences are something a 3 year old doesn't think about until they happen!) The outcome is never what I think it's going to be anyway, so why do I constantly go around the bell instead of following it? No, the bell may not lead me to where I want to go, but ultimately I will end up there because it is God's plan.
Lord, help me to listen to your bell. Help me to trust you completely and know that you are God!
Monday, January 22, 2007
Let it go...
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2Corinthians 12:9-10
My dear, dear husband has just retreated to the shower, and I so needed for him to do that. I was going to snap at him, and it's not his fault. I think this is the first time in a long time that I have been able to hold my tongue, and wait for the moment when little miss is occupied happily with play-doh, and hubby is busy getting clean so that I can pick up my Bible, open it, and let God give me the verse I need to get through the next 5 minutes. Today, this is the one. It couldn't be more perfect.
I can't wait to meet this new and precious gift that God is allowing to grow inside of me, but let me tell you, I can't wait to NOT be pregnant!!! I have the most horrid mood swings, and I am not usually aware enough to hold my tongue before thinking about what I need to say. It's something I have been in serious prayer about, and I think I finally get it.
"When I am weak, then I am strong"
Lightbulb!!!! When you are about to break, take a time out and go have a chat with God about it! Hey, you know what, it really works!!! Go figure, God really knows what he's talking about!
"Come unto me, all who are weak, weary and heavy laden" Matthew 11:28
Amazing, how I fight it so hard, when as soon as I let go, God takes over, and the peace I feel is like nothing else. Now, to be able to work this in to every aspect of my life - imagine how laid back I will be?
Thank you God, for your patience and for opening my eyes, and even smacking the back of my head when necessary!!!
2Corinthians 12:9-10
My dear, dear husband has just retreated to the shower, and I so needed for him to do that. I was going to snap at him, and it's not his fault. I think this is the first time in a long time that I have been able to hold my tongue, and wait for the moment when little miss is occupied happily with play-doh, and hubby is busy getting clean so that I can pick up my Bible, open it, and let God give me the verse I need to get through the next 5 minutes. Today, this is the one. It couldn't be more perfect.
I can't wait to meet this new and precious gift that God is allowing to grow inside of me, but let me tell you, I can't wait to NOT be pregnant!!! I have the most horrid mood swings, and I am not usually aware enough to hold my tongue before thinking about what I need to say. It's something I have been in serious prayer about, and I think I finally get it.
"When I am weak, then I am strong"
Lightbulb!!!! When you are about to break, take a time out and go have a chat with God about it! Hey, you know what, it really works!!! Go figure, God really knows what he's talking about!
"Come unto me, all who are weak, weary and heavy laden" Matthew 11:28
Amazing, how I fight it so hard, when as soon as I let go, God takes over, and the peace I feel is like nothing else. Now, to be able to work this in to every aspect of my life - imagine how laid back I will be?
Thank you God, for your patience and for opening my eyes, and even smacking the back of my head when necessary!!!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Another FIrst...
Well, yesterday I embarked on another first for me. For the first time since my daughter has been born, I actually took 2 hours and had "me time". I went to Dunkin Donuts & got a Latte, and then proceeded to Borders to look for a few books I've been needing. This is not the first time I have been out without my daughter by any means. We still have date night, and I work full time, so that isn't the issue. The issue is me. I absolutely hate to leave her unless I have to. I have this fear that my child will not have that mommy bond with me if I m not with her every possible moment. My husband thinks I am nuts, and knows that date might typically doesn't happen unless there's a 3 day weekend involved. Thus, when I announced that I was going out for 2 hours (after quite a long discussion with God & our calendar), my husband was pretty unsure of what was happening.
Him: "What do you mean you're going alone?"
Me: "I just need some time to sit and think and look at a book without rushing."
Him: "So, you're leaving us here?"
Me: "Yes, that was the plan, but now it sounds like a really bad idea" (My voice is beginning to crack now, remember there are irrational hormones flowing here!)
Him: "No, just weird, you never want to be away from her!"
Me: "I know, but I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think that this is something that will be good for all of us, especially based on my attitude lately."
At this point, all he can do is sit there with a confused look on his face afraid to say a word for fear of what reaction I will have. So, I kiss both goodbye and embark on my journey.
Latte in hand, I enter Borders and am immediately overwhelmed. So, I take a deep breath and plunge in head first. I emerged an hour later with 3 books for myself ( a huge step for me to only have 3 - i am learning that I can always go back!) and 2 for "herself", pleased that I did not overspend, and that I survived the first of what i imagine will be many "me time" journeys.
I have learned that I have much more patience and appreciation for my family if I allow myself to take a break. I have also learned that the library is a wonderful place to find the reading material I need (aside from some that I just need to have to keep!) - have you seen the prices of books lately???? I think my wonderful husband even appreciated my time out. We haven't even talked about it yet, so I am not sure how often I will take that time, but I know it will be happening more!
Him: "What do you mean you're going alone?"
Me: "I just need some time to sit and think and look at a book without rushing."
Him: "So, you're leaving us here?"
Me: "Yes, that was the plan, but now it sounds like a really bad idea" (My voice is beginning to crack now, remember there are irrational hormones flowing here!)
Him: "No, just weird, you never want to be away from her!"
Me: "I know, but I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think that this is something that will be good for all of us, especially based on my attitude lately."
At this point, all he can do is sit there with a confused look on his face afraid to say a word for fear of what reaction I will have. So, I kiss both goodbye and embark on my journey.
Latte in hand, I enter Borders and am immediately overwhelmed. So, I take a deep breath and plunge in head first. I emerged an hour later with 3 books for myself ( a huge step for me to only have 3 - i am learning that I can always go back!) and 2 for "herself", pleased that I did not overspend, and that I survived the first of what i imagine will be many "me time" journeys.
I have learned that I have much more patience and appreciation for my family if I allow myself to take a break. I have also learned that the library is a wonderful place to find the reading material I need (aside from some that I just need to have to keep!) - have you seen the prices of books lately???? I think my wonderful husband even appreciated my time out. We haven't even talked about it yet, so I am not sure how often I will take that time, but I know it will be happening more!
Friday, January 19, 2007
The First Time...
Hi!
Ok, this is my first attempt at this, and I'm not really sure where to start. I guess I should tell you a bit about myself, huh?
I am a wife to a wonderful husband and Mommy to almost 2 children! My daughter is an extremely "spirited" 3 year old who delights in her exhausted mothers inability to move as quickly as she once could!
I am also a woman who is perpetually trying to improve my journey to "Let Go & Let God". I struggle with this daily, hourly even, as I want instant answers and instant solutions. (Not to worry, I am always put in my place!)
That's the short story version of me. You'll get to know more of me as I embark on this journey, especially since I have been learning a few things about journaling from a wonderful friend. I think you might know who you re, you've gotten me started here too!
I am hoping that I can use this space to grow closer to God. I know full well what I need to do, and trust me, I write about it often, but maybe being here will help me really put my desires into action. There are so many things to learn!
Ok, this is my first attempt at this, and I'm not really sure where to start. I guess I should tell you a bit about myself, huh?
I am a wife to a wonderful husband and Mommy to almost 2 children! My daughter is an extremely "spirited" 3 year old who delights in her exhausted mothers inability to move as quickly as she once could!
I am also a woman who is perpetually trying to improve my journey to "Let Go & Let God". I struggle with this daily, hourly even, as I want instant answers and instant solutions. (Not to worry, I am always put in my place!)
That's the short story version of me. You'll get to know more of me as I embark on this journey, especially since I have been learning a few things about journaling from a wonderful friend. I think you might know who you re, you've gotten me started here too!
I am hoping that I can use this space to grow closer to God. I know full well what I need to do, and trust me, I write about it often, but maybe being here will help me really put my desires into action. There are so many things to learn!
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